Gobbledegeek 2.o

Telling your parents you’re gay!

Deciding who was more deserved of this month’s title was more difficult than anticipated.  Our regular nominee, an unnamed local bar, went head to head with the newcomer and young pretender, Bendigo Taxis but given the overwhelming weight of complaints garnered by the latter, it soon became clear that not everyone’s favourite watering hole wasn’t as bad as we all thought, at least not for the month of March 2011 and at least not for those of us still supporting it.

On a personal note, which in no way influences this month’s result (…much….really), waiting more than an hour for a taxi, TWICE IN ONE DAY!!!, would try the patience of a saint. I am no saint but a rugby fan desperate to get home in time to watch a crucial match of the 6 Nations Championship live.

Yes, I am aware that Bendigo Taxis have just implemented a new automated booking system but surely it would have been prudent to test the bloody thing before going live. Hardly any way to run a business is it? Oh wait, Microsoft have been doing the same thing for years. Look, I’m not saying you shouldn’t use Bendigo Taxis, just don’t expect it to turn up on time……or at all!!

Bendigo Taxis, it is with great pleasure that I award you with the Bendigo Bag of Bollocks Business Award for March 2011

I’m about as knowledgeable on telephonic hardware as I am with the inner workings of the female psyche but even I could have built a telephone out of cigarette ends and old tea bags, connected it to the telephone exchange with cold al dente spaghetti AND made the thing perfectly usable in the time it took Telstra to get me connected. I’ve waited more than a week and become painfully familiar with two dozen members of Telstra staff in as many ineffective departments.

A somewhat more serious side effect of spending so much of my life on the phone to Telstra, is not being able to get those bloody tunes out of my head. I feel violated by muzak.

Now that the telephone is connected, you’d think it was just a case of flicking a switch and the broadband would be activated but this is Telstra and nothing could be so simple.

No, Telstra insist that they need to send a modem even though I have made it clear that I have a one in perfect working order. They even agree that I can indeed use my existing modem and so I ask the obvious question.

After the usual pillar-to-post merry-go-round that is the Telstra trademark, the conversation with what sounded more like an Australian human than an Indian automaton (although I wasn’t entirely convinced), began like this…

Me – So, will you kindly activate my account?

Her – No, not until the new modem has been dispatched from our warehouse.

Me – But, you stated that I may use my existing modem, so why can’t you activate it now?

Her – The account is activated once the modem leaves the warehouse.

Me – But I don’t need a modem and you have clearly stated that I can use my existing modem, so why waste your money and my time by sending a new one?

Here – That’s just the way it is. If a modem wasn’t ready to be dispatched, I could activate it now but the new modem is waiting…

Me – Yes, yes, I know all that but why don’t you simply remove the modem from the order?

Her – I can’t do that…(computer says “No”)

Me – Audible sigh!

You get the picture. This goes on for twenty minutes. The customer support representative explains that nobody is able to prevent the modem from being dispatched even though it is a harmless inanimate object, sitting defenceless with no means of preventing intervention.
“Computer says No!”

So now I must wait several more days for these fuckwits to go through the motions before my broadband can be activated.

The sad thing is that no amount of complaining will improve their service. Telstra is one of those unwelcome and depressing certainties down under…..just like the flies!

Oxford

…an official who upholds petty rules even at the expense of humanity or common sense.

Cambridge

…someone who always obeys all the rules of their job even when they cause problems for other people or when the rules are silly

Collins

…a person who follows the rules of a job exactly, even when this causes problems for other people, or when the rules are not sensible

Wikipedia

…a jobsworth is a person who uses his or her job description in a deliberately uncooperative way, or who seemingly delights in acting in an obstructive or unhelpful manner.

Allwords.com

…a minor clerical worker who refuses to be flexible in the application of rules to help a client or customer.

Dictionery.com

…a person in a position of minor authority who invokes the letter of the law in order to avoid any action requiring initiative, cooperation, etc

There is quite a bit more to this farcical tale but by now you are are probably as bored as I am……

The Fighting Miners failed in their quest to win back-to-back premierships when they were defeated by the Puckapunyal Boars 6-5 in a quagmire at Puckapunyal last Saturday.

Torrential rain had covered the playing surface with about 50mm of water which soon cut up to become a quagmire. Adding to the difficult conditions were intermittent downpours and a strong wind.

The Miners had first use of the wind and were soon made aware that the Boars had come to play with spirit and determination. The normally dominant Miners’ scrum was shunted in the first two encounters.

Throughout the first half, the Boars dominated field position and possession. The Miners’ ball retention was poor as passes were pushed, catches spilled and lost in contact. The Boars capitalized on this superiority with a penalty goal in the 30^th minute to set up a 3-0 lead at the interval.

The Boars stretched their lead with a second penalty goal early in the second half.

From this point onwards, the Miners lifted their intensity. Inspired by some dominant tackles by the Tuitupou brothers, the Miners brought themselves back into the contest.

They finally troubled the scoreboard attendant in the tenth minute of the second half when centre Michael Crichton scored a try in the corner after a crisp passing movement by the backs.

Bendigo continued to press forward with Jesse Tuitupou, Konrad Fepuleai and Johneen Fagavao making strong runs.

They were rewarded with a penalty goal opportunity in the midway through the half in a handy position but the kick went wide.

From this point on, play rarely moved out of the area between the quarter lines as the two teams slogged it out in the mud.

The Tyson’s Reef Hotel player of the day award went to Jesse Tuitupou. Others to shine included Fepuleai, Nick Dehnert, Elson Tuitupou, Johneen Fagavao and Michael Crichton.

Scorer: Crichton try.

Team: 24 N. Poingdestre, 2 E. Tuitupou, 3 J. Tuitupou, 4 N. Dehnert (c), 5 B. Westley, 6 A. Saville, 7 D. Fallaver, 8 K. Fepuleai, 9 S. MacDonald, 10 Jon Solomon, 11 J. Learai, 12 J. Fagavao, 13 M. Crichton, 14 Jeremy Solomon, 15 J. Manderson.

Replacements: T. Henderson, L. Tuitupou, S. McGrail, S. Fagavao, P. Thomas.

Reserves: T. Mulvaney, J. Jeffries, S. Queally

Emergencies: L. Eriksen, N. Whittle, V. Liufau

W. Coulter 54439165

The Fighting Miners travel to Puckapunyal on Saturday seeking back-to-back premierships in the VRU Country Division.

The Miners will go in as underdogs against the minor premier Puckapunyal Boars who have beaten the Miners in two of three meetings this year. The Boars will also be rested after a week off while the Miners disposed of the Cobram Dust Devils in a bruising contest last weekend.

The Miners expect to be at full strength with only flanker Allan Saville under a fitness cloud. Saville strained a calf muscle in last week’s game but is hopeful of being fit to take his place.

The Fighting Miners are celebrating their fortieth anniversary this year and are hoping for a twelfth premiership to crown the celebrations.

The Fighting Miners playing squad is the epitome of multiculturalism and family traditions:

• there are five sets of brothers in the squad;
• seven of the players are sons of former players;
• players originate from seven countries – Australian both white and indigenous, New Zealanders both pakeha and Maori, PNG, Samoa, Tonga, Norway and Ireland.

The match kicks off at 3.00pm.

There are still seats available in the players & supporters bus which leaves Shadforth Park at 11.30am.

W. Coulter