Gobbledegeek 2.o

Along with the referees, the new ball and the underwhelming standard of play, this contemptible contraption has conspired to mar the current FIFA World Cup in South Africa.

Worryingly, stores here in Australia are unable to keep up with demand. For sports fans, this cannot be good news. The 2010 World Cup will always be remembered for these monotonous, obnoxious horns and God forbid they be allowed to permeate the Aussie sporting culture!

My advice is say ‘No’ and particularly if you cannot confirm their origin. For instance, I would highly recommend against importing vuvuzelas from Papua New Guinea, where they are more commonly referred to as a koteka or phallocrypt.

Modern use of the infernal vuvuzela

More traditional use of the vuvuzela

Vuvuzela blowing technique demonstration

This lucky gal has two vuvuzelas to blow

An alternative use for the vuvuzela

I use the word ‘men’ to describe these degenerate miscreants but these are not the actions of real men.

TWO Bendigo men have been charged with the rape of a 12-year-old girl.

The men, both in their 20s, are alleged to have consumed drugs and alcohol and had sex with the girl in full view of their friends despite her pleading with them to stop.

Long Gully man Dale Goss, 25, and Jarrod Nadort, 23, of Lockwood were arrested on Tuesday after the girl made a report to police.

…and despite police protestations, the Magistrate, Jennifer Tregent, let the ‘alleged’ perverts out on bail!!

These sick paedophiles can consider themselves incredibly fortunate! They can thank their soon-to-be well-used sorry arses that this wasn’t my daughter, because I’d be locked up in their place and they’d be slowly decomposing in a urine soaked shallow grave at an undisclosed remote location.

Searching for a ‘list of idiots in Bendigo’ brings a surprising number of visitors to Gobbledegeek 2.0, not as many as those searching for nude images of Julia Gillard though! For this reason, I thought it might be a worthwhile public service to actually compile a list of Bendigo-based half-wits.

Fortunately, these low-brows are not the majority in this otherwise ‘alright’ Victorian town, so it shouldn’t be a difficult task. So if you know a candidate for the list, please submit their details here. To avoid becoming a candidate yourself, please remember to include the gene pool contaminator’s name, reason for it’s nomination and a photo where possible.

The overwhelming majority of these knuckle-draggers will no doubt merit their own post but I will endeavour to list them here too. They appear in no particular order of idiocy or severity of crime.

Mark my words, the top twenty will be dominated by those repugnant in-bred fuckaloops we call hoons but you are welcome to prove me wrong…..

The List

Although not hoons, these three knob-jockey’s can get the ball rolling…..

Eighteen year old Stewart Love (you long time) and two younger wannabe robbers who stole thousands of dollars worth of gear in a mini-gay-crime-spree, were found guilty yesterday…..

The full (ish) story here.

I popped into the NAB in Strath Village shopping centre the other day to enquire about their merchant banking services and  ‘virtual terminal’ facility. As part of some research I was doing, I remembered reading something on the NAB website. Unfortunately, I assumed asking in person might prove more helpful should I have questions.

I asked for the information I sought but the two female tellers glanced at each other as if I had just asked them to theorise some impossible mathematical equation and expected an answer in fluent badger! After some umm-ing and ahh-ing, which clearly demonstrated a mutual cerebral void, I offered them  a release from their obvious agony.

I smiled sympathetically and headed for the door.

Well bugger me if Setanta aren’t airing the IRB 6 Nations Championship this season! That subscription can consider itself well and truly canceled.

Fortunately, for those of us in Australia, ESPN is showing the Northern Hemisphere’s premier rugby showcase. Unfortunately, one is required to buy a new HD set-top box and subscribe to the new HD channels which will set you back another $20 a month. Looks like the kid’s Cartoon Network has been canceled…..at least for next couple of months.

If there’s anyone in Australia who can get hold of this live, please let me know.

Incidentally, Wales visit New Zealand in June so if anyone fancies a few days over the channel round about the 26th, let me know.

Or more to the point, the filthy nonce will be when he’s convicted and sent to play with the big boys. He’s going to need rope for his soap, that’s for sure!

Dennis Alfred Goudge, who Bendigo Police describe as Victoria’s worst child sex offender, faces 58 charges (revised from 144), including multiple counts of child rape, sexual penetration of a child under 10, sexual penetration of a child under 17 and indecent assault.

The (alleged) paedophile spat at photographers as he was snapped leaving his committal hearing at Bendigo Magistrate’s Court.

I am uncertain of the privacy laws here in Victoria but I would very much like to see a list of convicted child sex offenders and their location within the Bendigo region. In fact, I believe all parents have a right to know, a right to protect their children, a right to know where potential dangers lie!

Thankfully, this insidious piece of shit was remanded in custody until May 27th. I trust that he will be tasting his own vile medicine while awaiting his next appearance in court.

Read the full article here.

Bendigo Paedophile Dennis Goudge

…in the head!

A Maiden Gully uber-hoon makes a late claim for “Cockhead of the Year Award’ by dobbing himself in. I know what you’re thinking, that these imbiciles surely can’t get any more moronic, but if this article from The Advertiser is to be believed, then the 26 year old subject has surely set the standard. No wonder Bendigo Police carted him off the hospital for an assessment!

On a related note, I’m seriously struggling with superlatives for these numpties, so if you have any you’d like to share, feel free to post below.

I really couldn’t be arsed to write a convoluted post about my personal experiences with Telstra because it’s not news to anybody.

In fact, everybody knows that their level of customer service is comparable to that of skanky whore with syphilis and a gangrenous, pustule-ridden mouth attempting a $1000 blow job. It’s way over priced and pretty fucking wank if the truth be told!

The tooth fairy, an intelligent hoon, weapons of mass destruction, a non-nagging wife, honest politicians, the chances of Collingwood winning the flag this year, Telstra customer service……can you see where I’m going with this?

Telstra, to say you care for your customers is like Dr. Harold Shipman claiming he cared for his patients.

Claims that customer service even exists are like the backed up longdrop dunnies at a Phall eating marathon…….full of shit!

Stupid, moronic, idiotic, extremely sad, misguided, brainless, slow, halitosis-ridden, slightly gay! Yes, fuck heads abound when you happen upon a room pustulously populated with that heady, if musty, mix of half-witted hoons and slow-witted Scientologists!

Following the tragic and untimely death of his son Jett, poor John Travolta has let slip that he intends to leave the Church (sic) of Cockheads because he’s dissillusioned with their comic-book based belief that autism, regarded as psychosomatic, should be treated with vitamins and a detox program, no less!. John, you’re not a hoon from Bendigo! Pull yourself together, engage your brain and ditch these sad simpletons!

It is also reported that the church’s response to the teenager’s death has been to conduct “intensive sessions” with so-called ethics officers, whose job is to question Travolta and other family members to determine if their “negative influences” caused the tragedy.

Johnny boy, when are you and Tommy going to realise that this is not a church in any shape or form in the conventional sense but little more than an elaborate fad. Unfortunately, one must validate these Martian member-munchers by labeling them as a cult (C-U-L-T) Yes, I know, it’s very close! How any reasonably sane person can regard these idiots as being members of a valid religion, is beyond me and I’m really fucking intelligent. Members? Yes! Part of a genuine religion? Me thinketh not!

Rick Ross, an author who has watched the church for 30 years, was quoted as saying that can be a dangerous move for any high-profile practitioner.

“Scientology keeps files on its celebrity members containing embarrassing personal information about them,” he said.

“And Scientology has proven in the past that it has a penchant for releasing that information to embarrass people who have left and who have said things it doesn’t like.”

What sort of ‘religion’ would do such a thing? And anyway, how embarrassing could it be? We already know that you’re one of these misguided misfits.

Seriously John, call me!

…and still bottom of the gene pool.

Well, it’s not really news is it? Bendigo is again honoured with the prestigious accolade of being the state’s Hoon Capital! A label loved by many and one set to remain for the foreseable future, or at least until genetic manipulation becomes legal/acceptable.

If you’d like to read the article, try here.

What motivates these fuck heads? I mean, if dicing with death is something that substitutes Viagra for these homosexuals, why not simply shoot up an Ice/Crack/random semen cocktail once in a while? That way, you get the rush you crave while never really knowing whether you are going to die a horrible death or not but should it be the former, and we can live in hope, you only ruin the lives of your family.

I cherish the moment one of these Neanderthal toss pots crosses my path or puts my children at risk.

Of course, being of little intelligence, they often bemoan the ‘personal vendetta’ carried out by the local police force in the pursuit of their deemed innocent high jinks, rather than targeting paedophiles, murderers and well, any other criminal activity than theirs. Bendigo Police receive precious little praise for their work against Bendigo’s botty-boys who use hooning as a cover.

Read an article about Bendigo’s Traffic Management Unit here.

One dick-less wonder in particular seems not to understand that his actions have consequences. Poor Joshua Shelton lost his arm as the result of his misguided passion for hooning and while I wouldn’t endorse such radical and extreme body modification, especially for someone who seemingly enjoys driving, it doesn’t appear to have quashed his appetite for the socially repulsive activity. Donkey bollocks Joshua was caught twice in just 90 minutes, having already lost his license! Numb-nuts Josh is THE most effective argument for genetic manipulation if ever there was one.

Read about silly Joshua Shelton from Bendigo here.

Incidentally, this really gets my goat and, just between you and me, I don’t even own a goat! The social misfits, fortunate enough to harm themselves while hooning, are even eligible for compensation payouts from the Transport Accident Commission!

Even if they were deemed negligent and ultimately responsible for an incident, most were still entitled to a lump-sum impairment benefit, she said.

Read more on this insanity here.

I will give intelligent readers one guess as to who pays these dim-witted dick-nibblers? Hoons can obviously have several but I suggest you right in for the answer because you’ll be here forever otherwise.

…….what a bunch of frackin’ morons!

I make a point of excluding profanity from my blog but for these dickheads, I am happy to make an exception.

A couple of weeks ago I received a Western Union order and knowing that Australia Post would be closed on a Sunday I phoned around a few of the agents listed on the WU website. The bint in the Junortoun Central Post Office & Service Station, assured me that they were able to perform the transaction. Arrived. Actually, she wasn’t permitted to perform the transaction.

This week I called again to potentially save a trip in the pouring rain. She assured me that she was able to perform the transaction. I asked again to be sure and explained the previous wasted trip. She gave me assurances that they were able and willing to perform WU transactions. Got there.

“Oh! We are able to send but not receive”, she said.

What a frackin’ goat! Am I the only one who would have mentioned this tiny but fundamentally crucial factoid?

I am now piss wet through, have wasted another hour and still have no money. Not a happy bunny!

You Suck Severely!

It seems I can’t go in far in Bendigo without the misplaced tag of ‘Pom’ being aimed in my direction. I’m Welsh and proud of it. Certainly, my accent is English rather than the songful tones of Welsh (the product of a Nomadic military background and public school, I’m afraid) but just as impossible it is for me to distinguish the regional differences of the Australian language, so too can it be said of the Aussies and the regional dialects of the British Isles. English, Irish, Scottish or Welsh, Brummie, Cockney, Glaswegian or Valleys’, they are all English to our antipodean cousins (or should that be ‘antipodal’?).

While this all encompassing, if inaccurate label causes no offence to me, it does to some. This is especially so when preceded by ‘whinging’ or ‘bloody’ and whilst the precise etymology eludes me, it is worth noting that even the Australians are unsure of exactly where or how the word ‘Pom’ originated.

This seemingly innocuous little word can and does become considerably more offensive with a change of inflection and an accompaniment of choice vulgar adjectives. The phrase transforms from a jovial term of endearment or playful jibe, to vitriolic slander meant to pique one’s good nature.

And so I find myself explaining that I am in fact Welsh and not English (British, if the concept seems too hard to grasp due to a long night in the company of alcohol) with alarming regularity and when I occasionally do have a moan, I begin by explaining this fact in the hope I might avoid being referred to as a ‘bloody whinging Pom’. This often saves a great deal of unnecessary protracted conversation afterwards on such topics as the British Empire, the Prince of Wales, the Celts, the Queen, the Welsh Language, the Welsh Assembly, Margaret Thatcher, rugby, the precise location of Wales, cricket and Tom Jones.

An acceptable alternative to ‘Pom’ would be to use the tag ‘Brit‘ instead. It’s short (and we all know how Aussies love to shorten every word in the Australian English dictionary and then some), easy to spell but above all, accurate. It should be pointed out that the nationality of everyone holding a UK passport is in fact British and not English, Irish, Scottish or Welsh!

With the proliferation of wireless connectivity comes a disdainful breed of miscreant, the bandwidth leech.

Unlike much of the rest of the planet (and some remote areas of Turkmenistan), broadband is still an expensive commodity here in Australia and as such I would feel mightily aggrieved if some tight-arsed freeloader stole it from me. I would have no problem with sharing my connection if the telcos offered unlimited downloads or at very least, reasonably priced, but they don’t. We have to pay for every web page, e-mail, sound and image that is squeezed down the wire.

If it was free or at best cheap, I would have no real issue with allowing others to benefit while I’m not using it. This is how the concept of wireless community networks became a reality in the nineties. Unfortunately, Aussie bandwidth is not cheap. On a oddly related note, I am not currently using the petrol in my car but this does not give anyone license to siphon my tank.

As connection speeds multiply to cater for the ever increasing need for e-speed, the problem of leeching will doubtless disappear but all the while we pay for the amount of data, irrespective of what speed it arrives, bandwidth leeches should beware of salt; rock salt; actually just rocks.

….dead in the water or simpy ahead of it’s time?

The development of an online community can be seen soul-destroying given the amount of work that one can put in for such little initial reward, and by reward I mean satisfaction and not financial gain. The methods employed by commercial and non-commercial social networks to increase participation are often very similar but for very different reasons.

Increasingly, companies are integrating social networking concepts into their online presense to build brand loyalty, push products and services and generally increase their market. Very few Australian businesses have recognised the potential of integrating a simple discussion forum into their sites, for example (obviously where relevant). There are examples in Bendigo, including one that did but paid very little attention to its importance.

When your customers form alliances with others to share their views, business needs, and interests, it can forge stronger emotional ties to your brand. These social networks grow virally and exponentially after customers invite their friends and colleagues to join and so on.

However, while the ‘IT business that shall remain nameless’, will no doubt come back with a more fully-featured, interactive community section having seen the potential of a rival site (their words not mine), there will always be the presence of commercial fluff to distract the user. This is the obvious aim and one which should be pursued as it will eventually pay dividends for them and rightly so.

Bendigo Forums is not commercial. Other than possibly introducing a few Google Ads to help pay for the running costs, that is the way I intend it to stay. Bendigo Forums aims to encourage a social network based on a mutual interest, Bendigo. The potential for local government, business and the community in general to benefit from a site like this is great and probably the reason others will hurry to jump on the band wagon once they realise.

I’m a social entrepreneur by nature, with very many fewer self-serving interests than your average businessman and no corporeal product or service to sell but I do believe Bendigo Forums has the potential to offer something to the community in terms of the general concepts of social networking.

As the numbers of those who engage in online communities grow, more and more look towards forums and discussion boards when researching a product or service. After all, wouldn’t you like to talk to the customers rather than just the sales staff driven by the desire to sell? With this in mind, it is increasingly likely that those in search of information pertaining to Bendigo and the surrounding region will look for discussion groups and forums related to the area.

With relevant content, visitors will stay long enough to read and glean the information they require. With healthy debate and discussion on all aspects of the subject matter, visitors are more likely to sign up and participate. Visitors need a reason to return and their involvement in discussion is just one. There are numerous other methods of promoting ‘stickiness’, from offering chat facilities and interactive games, to regular competitions and multimedia sharing facilities. 

The attitudes of most of those who have already been invited to participate in Bendigo Foruns are disappointing and there are alarming parallels in the attitudes, delivery and uptake of Information and Communications Technologies in the region, to those in rural Wales over ten years ago! I was very much involved in the development of the ICT infrastructure for rural regeneration and development in Powys, Wales and so I’ve seen it first hand.

For the moment Bendigo Forums is little more than a hobby I’m willing to share with anyone who’s interested and not a conscious effort in community development. It could be though! With a little effort on my part it could take off very quickly.

And so if you have an interest in Bendigo and the surrounding region, get yourself over to Bendigo Forums, sign up and start posting. It’s free and very simple.

Read about Bendigo Forums.

….and you know what? I bet nobody else gives a shit! But that’s the beauty of a blog; I can write what the hell I like and libel laws aside, I will argue that point to the grave.

I don’t know what’s worse, these tossers (see below) for their inability to park correctly or me for actually giving a shit!

Every fucker used the PEDESTRIAN walkway as their own private parking space

I could almost accept parking like this from a woman

Navigating a busy street with a push chair and four additional small ones is far from easy at the best of times but when you are forced into the road, instead of the relative safety of the sidewalk, it can be particularly dangerous. My children have no choice but to ride or walk in the road. Are you so fucking thoughtless that you simply park where you feel is ok for you? In a residential area? The mind boggles at the thoughtlessness of, it has to be said, the overwhelming majority of vultures who drove to scavage the leftovers.

Thankfully our suburban road is relatively peaceful and traffic free, other than the obvious aforementioned morons but their ignorant actions speak volumes for the laid back ‘fair go’ attitudes, synonimous with Aussies. If we were located on a more busy public road, the baseball bat would be getting up close and personal with a couple of dick head’s cages.

Aussie ‘fair go’ attitude? More like Aussie ‘couldn’t give a toss’ attitude.

I notice that since and probably not as a result of my protracted rant regarding the crap service from Woolworths Homeshop, they have made an attempt to restructure the categories. They must have been doing this or some other technical tinkering while I was labouring to conclude my shopping yesterday because after a number of hours waiting for pages to load or having to resubmit items to the cart which were mysteriously going AWOL, someone finally had the inspiration to put up a page informing visitors that the site would be temporarily unavailable.

That doesn’t mean to say that I have changed my opinion of their so-called service. Woolworths Homeshop is still quite crap!

Following the produce category reshuffle, several of the items I usually order are no longer available and the choices and variety has been limited beyond what it already was.

Which came first, the chicken or the eggs?

Today at least, the eggs did. The chicken didn’t come, full stop! I can understand aledgedly fresh doughnuts being out of stock, especially given the growing size of Australians these days but a frozen chicken? How in God’s name can you be out of bloody frozen chooks? I mean, it’s not like you have to regularly order limited stock and promote rapid turnover to prevent the produce going fowl (did you see what I did there hmm?). It’s bloody frozen, it’ll keep for months. There really is no excuse to be short of frozen produce in my opinion.

No chickens!

The delivery driver joked something about a shortage in Melbourne when I pointed this out and this begged the question; why on Earth do Woolworths deliver to Bendigo from Melbourne? 

Surely if they filled out the orders with local stock, it would not only save them a small fortune in fuel costs, vehicle upkeep and man-hours but it would help the local economy and the environment.

The mind boggles.

Perhaps I’m too harsh on Woolworths/Safeway so I shall finish on a plus note.

Today, for the very first time ever, suitable items were substituted for produce that must have been out of stock or otherwise absent. I knew it could be done. Woolworths knew it too otherwise they wouldn’t have included the option. Perhaps this weeks  ’packer’ was more a thoughtful staff member and less of a lazy git.

Doesn’t it just frustrate and rile you no end when the only choice you have is a shit choice? It does me but then I suppose I’m getting old and the older I get, the less shit I tend to accept.

Safeways online shopping service that requires me to physically travel to their supermarket to complete my order, is one such shit choice. At least in the Bendigo region. In fact, it’s false advertising.

By and large, my day is spent at home, either at the computer in a futile attempt to earn money or running around the house cleaning up after disgusting children. A long-term forced marriage with clinical depression, coupled with an anxiety disorder, ensure that popping out to the local supermarket is an event of some magnitude when acheived.

Those not affected by such  debillitating, psychological ‘balls and chains,’ could hardly understand the consequences of living with such disorders. I’m certainly not after your sympathy, simply painting the picture.

The idea of shopping online is great for people such as myself and lazy bastards in general. Unfortunately, Australia still has some distance to go before the concept reaches ‘critical mass’. Web developers need to up their skillset, bricks and mortar businesses need to aknowledge and promote this expanding market and ultimately, consumers need to feel confident enough with both the product and the process. But I digress.

Online shopping works if it works, if you follow me. My point is that shopping online and having it delivered to my door, is a useful concept and one I’m sure is vital for many.  Notwithstanding the obvious benefits to those unable to physically visit a supermarket, the very fact that this mundane chore is removed, is brilliant. Cup of tea in one hand, a mouse in the other and not a single jobsworth checking bags on your way out, what’s not to like?

However, if items are missing from your delivery, it kind of defeats the object if you are then forced to go out and get the items yourself. Every week, without exception, several items are missing from my order and last week precisely half the order was absent. It’s not so bad if the item in question is unimportant but should the main course not turn up, you have no choice but to go out and get it. For example, Coq au Vin is simply a plate of hot wine if your chook doesn’t show and have you ever tried eating muesli without milk?

In my case, by the time the order is delivered, and there are several time slots to choose from provided you are in a position to hang around for several hours as requested, there is no time to get to a local store before children return from school or some other such comittment prevents it.

Potatoes and vegetables hardly constitute a complete or nutritionally balanced meal where I come from and anyone who wishes to point out that I should be thankful I do not live in the Sudan or some other third world country where any food constitutes a welcome meal, I am and you may take this opportunity to cease pleasuring yourself and remove your head from your supersized lard-laden backside. Actually, do yourself a favour and **** off!

In an effort to reduce the number of missing items from your delivery, you have the option to select whether or not the packer should substitute them with suitable alternatives. This would surely nessesitate extra work for the packer who, after discovering my toilet tissue was out of stock (alledgedly), would be required to walk an extra 6 paces along the same aisle to locate a suitable substitute. Indeed it must be far above and beyond the call of duty as I have yet to recieve a substitute of any kind even though I select this option to avoid visiting them in person.

On the subject of stock or more accurately lack of, Woolworths/Safeway have been unable to make actual stock figures tally accurately with the online store and all too often you will unwittingly pay for phantom items. This is incredibly frustrating and I have voiced my annoyance on several occasions but it has obviously fallen on deaf ears.

I know that someone in that organisation has listened, or rather read, because in one of the emails I fired off to customer support, I mentioned that their delivery confirmation emails contained a dud link and the problem was corrected imediately.

At the end of the day, I don’t give a toss about amatuerish coding mistakes in emails or even on their site. All I want is my bloody shopping. Is it seriously too much to ask? It seems so but what choice do I have? Yes, electro-shock therapy has shown promising results in some of those with depression and following a lengthy course at my nearest sub-station, I’m sure I will be fully cured and more than eager to drag my five young children, kicking and screaming around the aisles, all the while desperately trying to avoid causing serious injury and death by trolly, to innocent bystanders.

The fact is that there currently is no choice in grocery home shopping services for the Bendigo region. One is forced to make do with what I loosely refer to as the ‘service’ offered by Woolworths/Safeway that is sub-standard and shoddy at best.

Come on Coles. How long before you begin covering this area? If it works, I will love you…..love you long time!

Taking a family vacation to the mountains in order to sample the Winter sports on offer, is going to be an expensive choice this season. Skiing has never been the first choice for budget holiday-makers but Europeans should consider themselves fortunate with the price they pay for their lift passes considering the latest survey by the Australian Alpine Club.

Australian ski lift prices are now the highest in the world, according to an annual survey by the Australian Alpine Club. “The inconvenient truth is that Australian ski lift prices are now more expensive than those in even the most exclusive resorts in Europe and North America,” said Australian Alpine Club President Ian Farrow.

The full article can be found here. The World Lift Ticket Price Report 2008 does go some way to put this in perspective, as the above article doesn’t take into account numerous other factors.

That's me that is!

Nevertheless, skiing is an expensive option in family vacations but should be tried at least once. If you catch the bug, you will certainly find ways to ensure regular trips to the mountains, whether you hock the family heirlooms, hock the children or simply and far less costly, leave your family at home.

Yes, you read correctly. Bendigo’s Hoons collectively win the Village Idiot Award for Outstanding Idiocy in the Face of Utter Stupidity!

I read today, with no great surprise I might add, that Bendigo’s hilarious hoon half-wits have outdone themselves by indirectly handing the police home video of themselves Hooning around the streets.

Senior Sergeant Ryan Irwin, of the Bendigo Traffic Management Unit, said hoons had been identified and caught from video and mobile phone footage. “We are quite pleased with the videos, we use them as an investigative tool, they assist us in detecting offenders,” he said.

“We have caught many through home videos that have found their way into our hands.”

You can read the article by The Advertiser here and don’t forget to search YouTube too.

Can you spot the odd one out? Bendigo, burnout, cretinous, dim-witted, dumb, half-witted, Hoon, imbecilic, moronic, mum’s car, retarded, simple, slow, tools, soft in the head, stupid, unintelligent, weak-minded, witless. No? Me neither! I certainly don’t wish to imply that Bendigo is populated by imbecilic morons as a result of inbreeding or some diabolical social experiment, far from it but there is an underlying idiocy that threatens the good name of this fine city and it’s people. Inextricably linked with Bendigo this contemptible sub-culture will eventually be responsible for the killing of some poor innocent, unfortunate enough to get in their way.

You are stupid enough to break the law in the first place but then compound your stupidity by having a partner-in-crime document your aforementioned stupidity. Would it be a fair to assume a profound lack of intelligence when you then post the said video evidence online? The answer, if you are struggling, is yes, and when I say ‘online’, I do not refer to the evidence simply lying inconspicuously amongst the thousands of terabytes of data somewhere on the Interwebthingy but published on the most popular video sharing web site on the planet where more than 100 million clips are viewed every day. 1.244 billion people use the Internet so it was always likely that someone somewhere would see the video and do the socially responsible thing by contacting the boys in blue.

I think I am perfectly justified in referring to these subjects as sub-intelligent for surely no intelligent person would risk so much for such an adolescent cheap thrill, let alone advertise video evidence. I could use the word ‘Dumbo’ but this would not be fair to the small, lovable, flying elephant whose good name is often maligned when substituted for the word moron, even though his level of intelligence is never determined during the animated Disney classic.

Stand up and be counted

You can play you part and help keep our children safe by reporting any dangerous or menacing activity and teaching the next generation that it’s not big and it’s certainly not clever. I would urge anyone who witnesses Hoonage in progress to call either the Bendigo Police station directly on 5448 1300 or 000 to report the crime.

Epilogue

I would be very interested to know if there is any research available for public consumption on the subject of Hoons and Hoonage. I’m not necessarily referring to papers on ‘the missing link’ for this is an obvious fact but more social studies on this miscreant car culture. If anyone has anything related, please use the contact form by selecting the ‘Contact’ tab (top right) or post your comments below.

And a word of warning! God help the Hoon that harms one of my children through their quest for cheap thrills.