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"Bask in my surly malcontent, for I am curmudgeon"

Lara Bingle Continues Cringeworthy Baby Naming Tradition

By the time your fourth child arrives, you have probably exhausted your favourite baby names and the task of selecting a suitable moniker becomes more laborious. I get it, the missus and I had to do it five times (and name them).

Naming the firstborn was simple. A tradition in our family is naming the first son William. Job’s a good ‘un with the addition of Benjamin.

Next came Rhiannon Caitlin, a nod to my Welsh heritage and sticking with the Welsh (and Hebrew root if you want to be pedantic), we chose Madlen Tyleri for our third.

Naming our fourth child was a little more difficult but we stayed with the Celtic roots and leant towards the Irish (and one could argue Norse Viking) with Padraig Somhairlidh (Sorley). Historical linguistic academics still argue over the roots of Somhairlidh but we won’t go into that here, the point was that we put time, effort and thought into choosing a suitable name; a lot more than we expected to.

Staying with what we knew best, Cellan (keth-lan) Tomás came along. To be honest, I was keen on calling him Max (get it?).

We choose names for different reasons. We choose names based on our heritage. We choose names which hold personal meaning for us, honour others or continue a tradition. And then we have Lara…

rocket zodLara Bingle is reportedly upset after being publicly vilified by the International press for naming her sprog Rocket Zot. Really Lara? What did you expect? Naming your child after your late father is heartfelt, commonplace and acceptable. Giving your child your dad’s nickname, however, requires thought and common sense, both of which you demonstrably lack. Naming your child Rocket Zot is ridiculously self-indulgent and will very likely result in years of school playground abuse and probably decades of therapy for the hapless child. That said, Zot is probably not the worse nickname in the world (‘fucktard’ and ‘gaybo’ spring to mind) but getting ‘creative’ with kid’s names is a cringeworthy and narcissistic trend which has to stop.

A word about the nauseating trend of fusing two words or names together to create one truly repugnant abomination i.e. Leonya, Victasia, Kesleigh. Stop it, you fucking retards!

I would like to congratulate Lara and Sam, and wish baby all the very best for the future.

Note to baby: Deed Poll

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