Gobbledegeek 2.o

I’m about as knowledgeable on telephonic hardware as I am with the inner workings of the female psyche but even I could have built a telephone out of cigarette ends and old tea bags, connected it to the telephone exchange with cold al dente spaghetti AND made the thing perfectly usable in the time it took Telstra to get me connected. I’ve waited more than a week and become painfully familiar with two dozen members of Telstra staff in as many ineffective departments.

A somewhat more serious side effect of spending so much of my life on the phone to Telstra, is not being able to get those bloody tunes out of my head. I feel violated by muzak.

Now that the telephone is connected, you’d think it was just a case of flicking a switch and the broadband would be activated but this is Telstra and nothing could be so simple.

No, Telstra insist that they need to send a modem even though I have made it clear that I have a one in perfect working order. They even agree that I can indeed use my existing modem and so I ask the obvious question.

After the usual pillar-to-post merry-go-round that is the Telstra trademark, the conversation with what sounded more like an Australian human than an Indian automaton (although I wasn’t entirely convinced), began like this…

Me – So, will you kindly activate my account?

Her – No, not until the new modem has been dispatched from our warehouse.

Me – But, you stated that I may use my existing modem, so why can’t you activate it now?

Her – The account is activated once the modem leaves the warehouse.

Me – But I don’t need a modem and you have clearly stated that I can use my existing modem, so why waste your money and my time by sending a new one?

Here – That’s just the way it is. If a modem wasn’t ready to be dispatched, I could activate it now but the new modem is waiting…

Me – Yes, yes, I know all that but why don’t you simply remove the modem from the order?

Her – I can’t do that…(computer says “No”)

Me – Audible sigh!

You get the picture. This goes on for twenty minutes. The customer support representative explains that nobody is able to prevent the modem from being dispatched even though it is a harmless inanimate object, sitting defenceless with no means of preventing intervention.
“Computer says No!”

So now I must wait several more days for these fuckwits to go through the motions before my broadband can be activated.

The sad thing is that no amount of complaining will improve their service. Telstra is one of those unwelcome and depressing certainties down under…..just like the flies!

Oxford

…an official who upholds petty rules even at the expense of humanity or common sense.

Cambridge

…someone who always obeys all the rules of their job even when they cause problems for other people or when the rules are silly

Collins

…a person who follows the rules of a job exactly, even when this causes problems for other people, or when the rules are not sensible

Wikipedia

…a jobsworth is a person who uses his or her job description in a deliberately uncooperative way, or who seemingly delights in acting in an obstructive or unhelpful manner.

Allwords.com

…a minor clerical worker who refuses to be flexible in the application of rules to help a client or customer.

Dictionery.com

…a person in a position of minor authority who invokes the letter of the law in order to avoid any action requiring initiative, cooperation, etc

There is quite a bit more to this farcical tale but by now you are are probably as bored as I am……

Along with the referees, the new ball and the underwhelming standard of play, this contemptible contraption has conspired to mar the current FIFA World Cup in South Africa.

Worryingly, stores here in Australia are unable to keep up with demand. For sports fans, this cannot be good news. The 2010 World Cup will always be remembered for these monotonous, obnoxious horns and God forbid they be allowed to permeate the Aussie sporting culture!

My advice is say ‘No’ and particularly if you cannot confirm their origin. For instance, I would highly recommend against importing vuvuzelas from Papua New Guinea, where they are more commonly referred to as a koteka or phallocrypt.

Modern use of the infernal vuvuzela

More traditional use of the vuvuzela

Vuvuzela blowing technique demonstration

This lucky gal has two vuvuzelas to blow

An alternative use for the vuvuzela

I popped into the NAB in Strath Village shopping centre the other day to enquire about their merchant banking services and  ‘virtual terminal’ facility. As part of some research I was doing, I remembered reading something on the NAB website. Unfortunately, I assumed asking in person might prove more helpful should I have questions.

I asked for the information I sought but the two female tellers glanced at each other as if I had just asked them to theorise some impossible mathematical equation and expected an answer in fluent badger! After some umm-ing and ahh-ing, which clearly demonstrated a mutual cerebral void, I offered them  a release from their obvious agony.

I smiled sympathetically and headed for the door.

Saturday’s opening match of the 2010 Country Victoria rugby season saw the Fighting Miners suffer a 14 – 26 defeat at the hands of Puckapunyal at Shadforth Park, Bendigo.

Defensive frailties on the fringes of the ruck and in the backline of the Miners gave the Boars repeated opportunities to score but the Miners held on to trail by only seven points at the break, 7-14.

Bendigo’s points were scored from a try to five-eighth Steve MacDonald when he sliced through the Puckapunyal defence at the back of a line-out and a conversion by Josh Manderson.

Puck opened the second half with an unconverted try to stretch its lead to 12 points at 19-7.

Bendigo responded with some strong running from improved set play. This led to a string of high tackles by the Boars’ players as the match threatened to become spiteful. Referee Wayne Pick took strong action, sending three Puckapunyal players to the sin bin simultaneously in the twentieth minute of the second half….

by W. Coulter

Read the full article here.

The Bendigo Fighting Miners are still in desperate need of players to sign for the proposed youth squad. If you aged between 14 and 16 and are interested or know someone who may be, please call Mark Luatutu on 5434 5822 (work) or 0427 315067.

I find it extremely difficult to motivate myself to go jogging. In fact, motivation for any sort of fitness-related exertion is nigh on impossible to muster. Before you jump down my throat with unhelpful comments related to bone-idleness and such, may I add that there is a genuine underlying medical reason for this. I’d rather go to the dentist AND watch paint dry than pound the pavement and so I am on a mission to uncover something a little more inspiring.

Boot camps seem to be popular at the moment and I suppose this might be one way to encourage some, with the bonus of a (somewhat) varied workout but even these become repetitive quickly and to be honest, a boot camp that boasts an absence of screaming and shouting orders, is hardly a ‘boot camp’; camp certainly.

I don’t necessarily have a huge problem with repetitiveness but the ‘chore’ needs to be interesting or at least different from the run-of-the-mill workouts.

I remember basic training in the Paras, where the barking of NCO’s was all the motivation anyone needed. The promise of a ‘beasting’ was an unnecessary bonus for below par performance. Then there were the 10 mile tabs (speed marches) in full combat gear, 40+lb pack and weapon, in all weathers and terrain were not necessarily the most fun one could think of but they were, if nothing else, part of a varied and highly effective fitness program.

So if anyone out there can think of a unique or interesting method of getting fit, I’d be interested to give it a go.