Gobbledegeek 2.o

So I’ve had this cauliflower in the fridge for quite some time now, hoping it would gracefully grow old and black so that I could avoid preparing a cheese sauce but to my horror, and ignoring a barely visible amount of blackening, it looked as good as the day I dumped it there. So I must bite the bullet and prepare a sauce that in all honesty, is not so much of a chore but will require a little extra work if it is to feed several hungry mouths.

A fresh hoon brain

We’ll start by preparing the milk. Throw a couple of bay leaves, a quartered onion and half a dozen cloves into the milk, season with sea salt and black pepper and bring to the boil. I use between 1 and 1.5 litres and this expands considerably once you start adding cheese, so bear this in mind when selecting your pan. You can experiment with other infusions if you’re feeling adventurous.

Once your infusion begins to boil, remove the pan from the heat and discard the ingredients when cool. Allowing the milk infusion to cool will help avoid lumps later.

Moving on to the cauli, start by removing the stem and any unwanted foliage. At this stage you should have already removed it from the fridge, otherwise it could get a little cramped and quite likely dangerous too. You can remove any unsightly blackening with a potato pealer or a sharp knife. Cut into florets or if you prefer, simply cut into the required amount of portions.

Boil in salted water for 5 minutes and then drain. You could save the water for another dish if you wish and I’d suggest using it for a creamy cauliflower soup made with cumin, turmeric and fresh coriander, for instance.

While the cauli cools, we’ll do the roux for our béchamel sauce by taking equal quantities of flour and butter. Over a low to medium heat, melt the butter first and whisk in the flour to create a smooth, creamy mess akin to wet sand. That’s your classic roux, used as a base for several ‘mother’ sauces, which in turn are used as bases for all other sauces.

Still whisking, gradually add the cooled milk infusion until completely combined. As the mixture heats the fat reacts with the starch in the flour and thickens the milk. You should continue stirring over the heat until the floury taste subsides but before the mixture darkens too much, that is unless you need a base for a dark sauce, of course.

Now you can gradually add your cheese, transforming our béchamel into cheese sauce unless you wish to impress your dinner guests, then calling it a cheese béchamel is acceptable.

Quite cheesy

Cheesy!

Did you know that equal quantities of Gruyère and Parmesan combined with your basic béchamel create the famous Mornay sauce? However, for our cauliflower cheese, we’ll stick with good old Cheddar. Continue adding the cheese and tasting regularly until the desired cheesiness is met.

Finally, a little more seasoning can be added or try a little nutmeg before pouring over the cauliflower which has been sat patiently in a suitable ovenware dish. Grate a little more cheese over the top and chuck it in the pre-heated oven at about 180°C for 20 minutes or until slightly singed on top.

Cauliflower cheese

Depending on whether the cauliflower cheese is for lunch, dinner or just a side dish, you can pad it out and make it go further by adding chopped bacon or peas and even pasta, to name a few. Equal quantities of cauli and broccoli make a pleasant change when accompanying the Sunday roast, although my personal preference would be to include very little cheese in this case.

Bon appétit!
Mwynhewch eich bwyd!

If there is one food that has the uncanny ability to improve virtually any dish, bacon is it. You only have to look at the humble burger to appreciate what I mean. Add a couple of slices of well-cooked bacon and you can probably justify a visit to Macca’s. A simple pizza takes on a whole other dimension with the introduction of sliced bacon and a BLT sans B is barely a satisfying brunch for a rabbit. Could you imagine a Caesar Salad without bacon or a full English breakfast missing a few slices or streaky porkness?

This incredibly versatile porcine product is practically perfect and probably impossible to better (apologies for the preponderance of p’s). Some might argue that chocolate tastes better but that’s down to personal taste and not a belief I share. One odd fact that might be surprising is that bacon and chocolate are perfect culinary partners. 

If resistance to chocolate is a futile challenge and you find the company of a bacon butty titillates the taste buds, then chocolate-covered bacon will arouse the gastric juices of the most discerning gastronome.

Mmmm.....chocolate covered bacon.

With the sweetness of the chocolate (or bitter sweet if using darker chocolate), and the saltiness of the ‘just’ crispy bacon, this seemingly odd couple make a magical marriage.

Chocolate has long been combined with savoury dishes. It is traditionally used in Mexican ‘mole’ dishes and is particularly popular in Spanish Catalan food. The dark, rich flavours combine well with the gamey and more richer recipes.

In fact a small amount of chocolate can add depth and enhance many meals. If you decide to experiment, start with dark chocolate or cocoa powder in dishes such as chilli or spaghetti sauces. Melt a couple of blocks in with your roasting veggies, particularly carrot and parsnip.

For those of you who like to flirt with danger or even just flirt, why not try this artery-busting butty. Many may have already come across it before but without the addition of the chocolate. Often referred to as the ‘Elvis’ due to it’s most famous cholesterol casualty, Elvis Presley, this is probably about as close to Paradise as one can possibly get on Earth.

The ‘Elvis’ – aka the peanut butter, bacon, banana fried butty.

1. Add a knob of salty butter to a suitably sized frying pan on medium heat. Once the butter melts and begins to foam, add the white bread coating both sides with the molten butter until golden brown. You could kid yourself that substituting brown bread would be a healthier option but…

2. Crisp the bacon up in a separate frying pan. You might like to try honey-cured bacon. I personally have used olive oil. Remove and drain on kitchen towel.

3. Spread both slices of golden brown fried bread with crunchy peanut butter. Alternatively, spread one slice with peanut butter and the other with chocolate spread, unless of course you have a ready-made supply of chocolate-covered bacon.

4. Slice or mash up your banana and spread over one slice of fried bread. At this point you might wish to drizzle a little honey over.

5. Place your freshly fried bacon slices on top of the banana and top with the other slice of fried bread.

6. Eat straight away. Enjoy!

A veritable orgasm in your mouth, I think you’ll agree 

An arguably healthier alternative blandwich...

Disclaimer - I take no responsibility for burst arteries, exploding heart valves or indeed any other medical condition that could be attributed to using this recipe.