Gobbledegeek 2.o

Searching for a ‘list of idiots in Bendigo’ brings a surprising number of visitors to Gobbledegeek 2.0, not as many as those searching for nude images of Julia Gillard though! For this reason, I thought it might be a worthwhile public service to actually compile a list of Bendigo-based half-wits.

Fortunately, these low-brows are not the majority in this otherwise ‘alright’ Victorian town, so it shouldn’t be a difficult task. So if you know a candidate for the list, please submit their details here. To avoid becoming a candidate yourself, please remember to include the gene pool contaminator’s name, reason for it’s nomination and a photo where possible.

The overwhelming majority of these knuckle-draggers will no doubt merit their own post but I will endeavour to list them here too. They appear in no particular order of idiocy or severity of crime.

Mark my words, the top twenty will be dominated by those repugnant in-bred fuckaloops we call hoons but you are welcome to prove me wrong…..

The List

Although not hoons, these three knob-jockey’s can get the ball rolling…..

Eighteen year old Stewart Love (you long time) and two younger wannabe robbers who stole thousands of dollars worth of gear in a mini-gay-crime-spree, were found guilty yesterday…..

The full (ish) story here.

Stupid, moronic, idiotic, extremely sad, misguided, brainless, slow, halitosis-ridden, slightly gay! Yes, fuck heads abound when you happen upon a room pustulously populated with that heady, if musty, mix of half-witted hoons and slow-witted Scientologists!

Following the tragic and untimely death of his son Jett, poor John Travolta has let slip that he intends to leave the Church (sic) of Cockheads because he’s dissillusioned with their comic-book based belief that autism, regarded as psychosomatic, should be treated with vitamins and a detox program, no less!. John, you’re not a hoon from Bendigo! Pull yourself together, engage your brain and ditch these sad simpletons!

It is also reported that the church’s response to the teenager’s death has been to conduct “intensive sessions” with so-called ethics officers, whose job is to question Travolta and other family members to determine if their “negative influences” caused the tragedy.

Johnny boy, when are you and Tommy going to realise that this is not a church in any shape or form in the conventional sense but little more than an elaborate fad. Unfortunately, one must validate these Martian member-munchers by labeling them as a cult (C-U-L-T) Yes, I know, it’s very close! How any reasonably sane person can regard these idiots as being members of a valid religion, is beyond me and I’m really fucking intelligent. Members? Yes! Part of a genuine religion? Me thinketh not!

Rick Ross, an author who has watched the church for 30 years, was quoted as saying that can be a dangerous move for any high-profile practitioner.

“Scientology keeps files on its celebrity members containing embarrassing personal information about them,” he said.

“And Scientology has proven in the past that it has a penchant for releasing that information to embarrass people who have left and who have said things it doesn’t like.”

What sort of ‘religion’ would do such a thing? And anyway, how embarrassing could it be? We already know that you’re one of these misguided misfits.

Seriously John, call me!

….and you know what? I bet nobody else gives a shit! But that’s the beauty of a blog; I can write what the hell I like and libel laws aside, I will argue that point to the grave.

I don’t know what’s worse, these tossers (see below) for their inability to park correctly or me for actually giving a shit!

Every fucker used the PEDESTRIAN walkway as their own private parking space

I could almost accept parking like this from a woman

Navigating a busy street with a push chair and four additional small ones is far from easy at the best of times but when you are forced into the road, instead of the relative safety of the sidewalk, it can be particularly dangerous. My children have no choice but to ride or walk in the road. Are you so fucking thoughtless that you simply park where you feel is ok for you? In a residential area? The mind boggles at the thoughtlessness of, it has to be said, the overwhelming majority of vultures who drove to scavage the leftovers.

Thankfully our suburban road is relatively peaceful and traffic free, other than the obvious aforementioned morons but their ignorant actions speak volumes for the laid back ‘fair go’ attitudes, synonimous with Aussies. If we were located on a more busy public road, the baseball bat would be getting up close and personal with a couple of dick head’s cages.

Aussie ‘fair go’ attitude? More like Aussie ‘couldn’t give a toss’ attitude.

Yes, you read correctly. Bendigo’s Hoons collectively win the Village Idiot Award for Outstanding Idiocy in the Face of Utter Stupidity!

I read today, with no great surprise I might add, that Bendigo’s hilarious hoon half-wits have outdone themselves by indirectly handing the police home video of themselves Hooning around the streets.

Senior Sergeant Ryan Irwin, of the Bendigo Traffic Management Unit, said hoons had been identified and caught from video and mobile phone footage. “We are quite pleased with the videos, we use them as an investigative tool, they assist us in detecting offenders,” he said.

“We have caught many through home videos that have found their way into our hands.”

You can read the article by The Advertiser here and don’t forget to search YouTube too.

Can you spot the odd one out? Bendigo, burnout, cretinous, dim-witted, dumb, half-witted, Hoon, imbecilic, moronic, mum’s car, retarded, simple, slow, tools, soft in the head, stupid, unintelligent, weak-minded, witless. No? Me neither! I certainly don’t wish to imply that Bendigo is populated by imbecilic morons as a result of inbreeding or some diabolical social experiment, far from it but there is an underlying idiocy that threatens the good name of this fine city and it’s people. Inextricably linked with Bendigo this contemptible sub-culture will eventually be responsible for the killing of some poor innocent, unfortunate enough to get in their way.

You are stupid enough to break the law in the first place but then compound your stupidity by having a partner-in-crime document your aforementioned stupidity. Would it be a fair to assume a profound lack of intelligence when you then post the said video evidence online? The answer, if you are struggling, is yes, and when I say ‘online’, I do not refer to the evidence simply lying inconspicuously amongst the thousands of terabytes of data somewhere on the Interwebthingy but published on the most popular video sharing web site on the planet where more than 100 million clips are viewed every day. 1.244 billion people use the Internet so it was always likely that someone somewhere would see the video and do the socially responsible thing by contacting the boys in blue.

I think I am perfectly justified in referring to these subjects as sub-intelligent for surely no intelligent person would risk so much for such an adolescent cheap thrill, let alone advertise video evidence. I could use the word ‘Dumbo’ but this would not be fair to the small, lovable, flying elephant whose good name is often maligned when substituted for the word moron, even though his level of intelligence is never determined during the animated Disney classic.

Stand up and be counted

You can play you part and help keep our children safe by reporting any dangerous or menacing activity and teaching the next generation that it’s not big and it’s certainly not clever. I would urge anyone who witnesses Hoonage in progress to call either the Bendigo Police station directly on 5448 1300 or 000 to report the crime.

Epilogue

I would be very interested to know if there is any research available for public consumption on the subject of Hoons and Hoonage. I’m not necessarily referring to papers on ‘the missing link’ for this is an obvious fact but more social studies on this miscreant car culture. If anyone has anything related, please use the contact form by selecting the ‘Contact’ tab (top right) or post your comments below.

And a word of warning! God help the Hoon that harms one of my children through their quest for cheap thrills.