I hate the fact that I find it extremely difficult to sleep and ‘er indoors is forever telling me to visit the quack but tonight I was fortunate to be a light sleeper-cum-insomniac.

An unnatural noise outside caught my attention where random wind-related sounds don’t. Given that the missus is working away in Melbourne, I couldn’t wake her to deal with it and so I had little choice but to drag myself out of bed. A sneaky peak out between the blinds revealed some low-life miscreant creeping up the driveway.

Being ever so courageous, I poked my head out of the front door and politely greeted the bugger! Yes, I actually called out “hello?” My God! What was I thinking? I immediately came to my senses and attempted to rescue the awkward (for me at least) situation with some choice expletives but the little sod was obviously so confused and startled by my effeminate (particularly blonde) initial greeting, that he had long since scarpered.

Fearing law suits from the neighbours, I darted back in and donned my shorts and flip flops (thongs in ‘Stralian) but he was long gone; or so I thought.

I spotted a girls bike on the other side of the road, lying on the grass and having just watched a stellar performance by Robert Downey in Sherlock Holmes, I was inspired to deduce that this could be the prowlers getaway vehicle and so took a photo as evidence. I would have dusted for prints there and then but not having the appropriate training in forensic science, I decided I couldn’t be arsed. Anyway, the little git was probably going to be back for it.

At this point I thought it prudent to inform the authorities.

If only I hadn’t popped inside for a deserved smoke, I’d have caught the not-very-good-burgler because as I walked down the driveway to wait for the police, the would be tinker sprinted from the cul-de-sac, grabbed his girly getaway bike and shot off down the road with a parting “Fark you!”

Charming! I thought as I made a lame attempt at running after him in my traditional Aussie footwear. He disappeared out of site around the corner where I noticed the lights of a car turning in the road. I assumed this was either an accomplice manning a more suitable getaway vehicle or the troops arriving in the nick of time.

It turned out to be the police after all and not only did they collar the little criminal around the corner, they picked up his loyal partner in crime. Apparently, they admitted to being out harvesting parts for their BMX bikes.

The Bungling BMX Bandits of Bendigo!

Gobbledegeek 2 Bendigo BMX Bandits 0


girly bike
The Girly Getaway Vehicle