Somewhere…just north of a song

Set amidst the rugged splendor of the Australian Outback, two fun-loving drifters, Singing raconteur Phil O’Brien and ex Jailbird Al Zimdahl come across a French beauty ‘Elisa’, alone in the middle of nowhere, and on a mission to find what she really wants out of life. A gifted Singer and musician, the bright lights of Paris and her Fathers business caused her disillusion, and she’d thrown herself into the empty vastness of the Northern Territory hoping to find answers.

“It’ll snow on the Sahara before we lower rents”, pledges real estate agent

“Shit, shit, shit!”

Real estate agent, The Eternally Puissant Annabelline Stealmore-Lifeblood, has boldly claimed that it’ll be a bloody cold day in the Sahara before considering reducing the unfeasibly high rents.

Stealmore-Lifeblood, who lists Five Families: The Rise, Decline, and Resurgence of America’s Most Powerful Mafia Empires by Selwyn Raab as a favourite bedtime read on her Faceache page, made the bold claim that snow would lie over the Sahara desert before she considered the community and its long-term prosperity above her desire to claw in more money and hold court over decent folk with low to average incomes and families to support.

After a thick fall of snow blanketed the famous desert overnight, scientists who were asked to explain the phenomenon suggested that “Stealmore-Lifeblood is such an anathema to both God and nature that both have suspended normal operation to fuck her over”.

Artist’s impression of The Eternally Puissant Annabelline Stealmore- Lifeblood

When asked if they were expecting any long term effects from the snowfall, they confirmed that they had observed a permanent increase of pressure in the dangerously throbbing vein just above her temple.

“Oh shit”, the potty-mouthed panjandrum and denizen of despair exclaimed when told of the snowfall.

“Shit, shit, shit”,  she continued.

“I didn’t think it actually snowed in the desert.”

“What would Selwyn Raab have to say? I will be seeking illegal advice” she added.

Stealmore-Lifeblood later confirmed that rents would remain at the current obscenely inflated rates while her interests remained compatible with the dying town’s iniquitous overlords, all the while silently encouraged by a toothless and passive community.

Still, if nothing else, we can run pictures of the snowfall on the desert and say it proves there’s no such thing as global warming.

Axe Murdering Rapist Walks Out of Open Prison – Shock, Horror, Disbelief Ensue


From our friends at the Northern Territory Police, Fire and Emergency Services

Edward (Eddie) James HorrellEscape Custody – Nhulunbuy


Northern Territory Police are searching for a prisoner who is reported to have absconded from the Correctional Services work camp in Nhulunbuy overnight.


Edward (Eddie) James Horrell, aged 62, is described as being 170cm tall, medium build and was wearing a blue and yellow hi-vis button up shirt and dark blue shorts.


Horrell has a number of convictions for violent offences including rape, manslaughter and murder. Nhulunbuy Police are conducting enquiries with known associates and family members of Horrell in an effort to locate him.


If sighted members of the public are urged not to approach him and to contact Police immediately.


Likewise anyone who has information on his current or intended whereabouts are urged to contact Police as a matter of urgency on 131 444 or Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000. In an emergency call 000.



This convicted axe murderer and rapist waltzed out of our low-security open prison here in Nhulunbuy. It wasn’t long ago that the government assured the community that only low-risk offenders would be accommodated in Datjala Work Camp. Their website even states…


The facility can accommodate up to 50 sentenced and remand, low and open-security male prisoners. No sex offenders or prisoners of public interest are considered for placement.


Horrible Horrell was apparently seen doing some last minute grocery shopping at nearby Woolworths before continuing on his merry way. It is also rumoured that a position has become available at the work camp to monitor security cameras in the event the brazen walk-out encourages others to leave at will.

I have it on very good authority that 3 sex offenders were hastily flown out of town today in what stinks suspiciously of damage control.

Government Want Bremer Cleared of Aborigines

tom-noytuna-telephone-abbottDid you know that this insidious government have already approached an elderly female occupant of Dhambaliya (Bremer Island), asking her to move into town and never return, in exchange for accommodation and Centrelink payments?

Fortunately, she has well water and solar power and was therefore in a position to tell them where to stick their salacious bribe.

I wish people would wake up to the sickening way in which people are being treated by the local authority and government in general. I am particularly disgusted with what I have learned about local social services. I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a spokesperson for the Yolŋu and nor would I profess to be but I know bad smells and when something stinks.

I can safely say that if this was happening to white people, there would be bloody riots.

Tony Abbott wants to remove the rightful owners of the land because he believes living in these remote communities is an unsustainable lifestyle choice which should no longer be funded.

History repeating itself? Same shit, different stench!

Luke Thurrowgood at Stamper Constructions Pty Ltd Bendigo

Luke Thurrowgood at Stamper Constructions Pty Ltd Bendigo, your considerable invoice is now 6 months overdue!

My good friend over at Bendigo Web Design has five kids to support and is barely scraping by but he dropped everything and bent over backwards to accommodate you and you repaid him by ignoring his invoices and repeated attempts to communicate. 5 months ignoring all efforts to contact you and then out of the blue, you ask for bank details to pay your debt. Not surprisingly, another month passes without further contact. You should be ashamed of yourself. Instead of sticking your head up your arse and ignoring respectful requests to pay for the services given, you simply had to communicate and come to an arrangement.

Karma is a bitch and I sincerely hope you get what you deserve.

Stop being a grubby weazel, man up and pay your debts.


It appears we are not the only ones looking for him…

luke-thurrowgood-bendigoPOLICE are continuing to search for wanted man Luke Thurrowgood in the Bendigo region.

The 30-year-old man is wanted after failing to answer bail in relation to drug, assault and traffic matters.

Thurrowgood is known to frequent the Bendigo and Maribyrnong areas.

He is described as being 185cm tall, medium build, fair complexion with brown hair, blue eyes and normally has a beard.

Investigators have released an image of Thurrowgood in the hope someone recognises him and can provide information regarding his whereabouts.

Anyone with information is urged to contact Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000 or submit a confidential report at

Is the death penalty morally acceptable in today’s society?

Is the death penalty morally acceptable in today’s society?

How can it be? It is a misnomer. A penalty both grammatically and morally reprehensible.

Joko (International Joke) Widodo
Joko (International Joke) Widodo

In my book, albeit a somewhat diminutive one, state-sanctioned murder is weak. It certainly does nothing to address the underlying cause that rehabilitation is supposed to. The act of execution should be as unpalatable as cannibalism or following Collingwood yet it continues protected by weak men and weak nations. Ok, in fairness that was hardly the most qualitative statement but is justly deserved by the small man currently steering the good ship Indonesia.

Even the Indonesian government itself is extremely vocal in its efforts to persuade other similarly backwoods (not backwards, although applicable too) nations to grant clemency and not execute Indonesian nationals on death row, but at the same time unfathomably unwavering in its stubborn refusal to repeal this archaic law or offer clemency to a couple of obviously rehabilitated prisoners. This should make the definition of hypocrisy abundantly clear, even for the most intellectually-challenged.

Given this obstinate attitude, I refuse to support state-sanctioned premeditated murder and in an effort to also avoid harmful colourants, I actively read the labels of everything I purchase and whenever I read anything related to Bali or Indonesia, I reject with disgust and choose an alternative. In fact, I go so far as to replace the product as far back on the shelf and as hidden as possible. Furthermore, I will never take my family to Bali or mainland Indonesia and will proactively discourage anyone and everyone from visiting. I have heard the oft unintelligent argument that boycotting this duplicitous and contrary nation would only harm the average common man trying to scrape a meagre living. Well, tough titties! If the common man wants to make a living from tourism, maybe he should lobby the government for the cessation of legalised revenge.

Let us be perfectly clear, there is NO documented evidence that the death penalty works. It does not, in any perceivable way, shape or form prevent crime or act as a deterrent in modern society. In fact, the precise opposite may be true (McClellan, G., 1961 US). Just ask the retards employing Sharia Law today. Even they will tell you that while they love a good stoning, amputation and execution as much as the next backwoods nation, they will concede an upward trend in rape, murder and trite reality shows.

The death penalty is called a punishment but what is the point of administering a punishment if there is no perceivable positive outcome? It is infinitely more senseless to execute a prisoner rehabilitated by a system designed for incarceration and rehabilitation! You are most certainly not punishing the criminal; Bang! You’re dead! Lesson learned! That makes no sense.

Let us call it what it is; vengeance.

Legal vengeance solidifies social solidarity against those who break the law and is the ‘acceptable’ alternative to the private revenge of the victim or aggrieved.

The death penalty is as ill-conceived and outdated as it is immoral.

Next week we discuss state-sanctioned torture, condoned by the Internationally-viewed, piss-weak president (The) Joko Widodo.

Lara Bingle Continues Cringeworthy Baby Naming Tradition

By the time your fourth child arrives, you have probably exhausted your favourite baby names and the task of selecting a suitable moniker becomes more laborious. I get it, the missus and I had to do it five times (and name them).

Naming the firstborn was simple. A tradition in our family is naming the first son William. Job’s a good ‘un with the addition of Benjamin.

Next came Rhiannon Caitlin, a nod to my Welsh heritage and sticking with the Welsh (and Hebrew root if you want to be pedantic), we chose Madlen Tyleri for our third.

Naming our fourth child was a little more difficult but we stayed with the Celtic roots and leant towards the Irish (and one could argue Norse Viking) with Padraig Somhairlidh (Sorley). Historical linguistic academics still argue over the roots of Somhairlidh but we won’t go into that here, the point was that we put time, effort and thought into choosing a suitable name; a lot more than we expected to.

Staying with what we knew best, Cellan (keth-lan) Tomás came along. To be honest, I was keen on calling him Max (get it?).

We choose names for different reasons. We choose names based on our heritage. We choose names which hold personal meaning for us, honour others or continue a tradition. And then we have Lara…

rocket zodLara Bingle is reportedly upset after being publicly vilified by the International press for naming her sprog Rocket Zot. Really Lara? What did you expect? Naming your child after your late father is heartfelt, commonplace and acceptable. Giving your child your dad’s nickname, however, requires thought and common sense, both of which you demonstrably lack. Naming your child Rocket Zot is ridiculously self-indulgent and will very likely result in years of school playground abuse and probably decades of therapy for the hapless child. That said, Zot is probably not the worse nickname in the world (‘fucktard’ and ‘gaybo’ spring to mind) but getting ‘creative’ with kid’s names is a cringeworthy and narcissistic trend which has to stop.

A word about the nauseating trend of fusing two words or names together to create one truly repugnant abomination i.e. Leonya, Victasia, Kesleigh. Stop it, you fucking retards!

I would like to congratulate Lara and Sam, and wish baby all the very best for the future.

Note to baby: Deed Poll

Still looking for an extra special Christmas gift?

why warriors lie down and dieStill looking for an extra special Christmas gift?

‘Why Warriors lie down and die’ is essential reading for anyone interested in indigenous peoples.

The book, by local author Richard Trudgen, offers valuable insights for those who want a greater understanding of the crisis experienced in Arnhem Land and Indigenous communities across Australia, where the situation is dire; health is poor, unemployment is rife and life is short.

Finding the real cause of this crisis requires the reader to look at it from the other side of the cultural/language divide – the side where the Yolngu people live. This fascinating book takes us to that side.

Normally $37.99 plus $5.50 postage & handling, as it’s Christmas I will hand-deliver them to Nhulunbuy residents for only $30 all up.

For non-Nhulunbuy residents, please email or follow this link –

Proceeds from the sale of this book go towards sponsoring community development and community education work with Indigenous peoples.

“Many books have been written about the Yolngu people of Arnhem Land (NT Australia). This one is very different. It speaks about the real situation that we face every day, a reality that is hard for people of another culture to imagine.”

Rev. Dr. Djiniyini Gondarra OAM
Political leader of the Golumala clan
Executive Officer of Aboriginal Resource and Development Services Inc.
Member of the Council for Aboriginal Reconciliation.

“Why Warriors makes gripping reading … with increased understanding comes direction and hope for the future … It deserves to be widely read”

Phillip Carson MBBS, Dip RACOG, FRCS (Ed), FACS
Director of General Surgery

Tom Jones’ AFL Grand Final rugby ‘blunder’

tom-jones-afl-grand-final-2014So, 74 year old Tom has accidentally referred to the AFL players as ‘rugby players’. Big deal, you so-called journalists refer to players of every code as ‘footballers’.

Is this faux pas really in any way comparable to the off-key, out-of-synch wailing from Meat Loaf last year? For the sake of mediocre copy I guess it is but it’s not unusual for you grammatically and literary challenged gob-shites to over-exaggerate and over-influence a ‘story’ with your own agenda.

Shame on you.