Sport

Everyone To Get A Go Playing For Australia This Summer, Cricket Australia Reassures Nation

Saying he was aware of those who hadn’t yet had a turn, Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland said all Australians would get a go at batting or bowling for the Test team before the summer is over.

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Jarryd Hayne To Take Nick Kyrgios’s Spot And Pursue Dream Of Playing Olympic Tennis

Former NRL, NFL and Fijian 7s star Jarryd Hayne has jumped at the opportunity to fill Nick Kyrgios’s spot on the Australian Olympic tennis team, saying it was a chance to pursue his lifelong dream.

“Playing for the Parramatta Eels, playing for the San Francisco 49ers, playing for Fiji – all of this was just a stepping stone to going out on court in the men’s singles, and possibly the mixed doubles, in Rio 2016,” Hayne said.

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South Africa Skilfully Exploits Aussies’ Weakness: Cricket

South Africa has convincingly won the second test in Hobart after doggedly honing in on Australia’s Achilles heel – batting, bowling and fielding.

South African captain Faf Du Plassis said it was part of a conscious strategy to outmaneuver the once-dominant Aussies.

“We studied the tapes over the winter and found a specific vulnerability in the Aussies’ game: test match cricket,” he said after the game. “From there it was just a matter of exploiting that weakness by sticking to a plan of playing cricket over and over again for four days. Full credit to the boys for their persistence”.

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BREAKING: Fairfax, News Corp Announce Sweeping Cuts To Jarryd Hayne Divisions

Up to 100 journalists are out of work today after the country’s major news outlets announced they would be closing their Jarryd Hayne divisions.

Both News Corp and Fairfax have laid off staff, following the ex-NRL star’s decision to abandon his dream of playing in the NFL.

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Cricket Australia insists the media blame the players for latest series loss, not them

CRICKET AUSTRALIA CEO JAMES Sutherland has dismissed suggestion that his organisation is broken at a fundamental level, saying that the rotation and reward policy had nothing to do with the series loss to South Africa this afternoon.

Rather than take an introspective look into Cricket Australia, Sutherland has pointed the finger at his underperforming players.

“We’ve been resting players, rotating them around to keep them fresh. We’ve given them the best support staff in the world – and they still get flogged. It’s not the board’s failure, it’s the players themselves who should shoulder the blame.” said Sutherland.
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John Eales is putting soothing voice to good use by voicing GPS systems

IN A DAY AND AGE when road rage is becoming more and more common, it’s nice to have a voice of reason behind the wheel – and now, that voice can be John Eales.

The former Wallabies captain has leant his pipes to global GPS navigation giant TomTom, so that rugby union fans can simmer down and take the long way back, listening to the second-rower guide them home.

“My road rage problem was beginning to impact on those around me,” said Dennis Reprobate (52). “I’d grip the wheel and scream and shout. Sometimes I’d take the battery out of the garage remote and throw it at bad drivers.”
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