Hoonage

Gobbledegeek v The Bendigo BMX Bandits

An unnatural noise outside caught my attention where random wind-related sounds don’t. Given that the missus is working away in Melbourne, I couldn’t wake her to deal with it and so I had little choice but to drag myself out of bed. A sneaky peak out between the blinds revealed some low-life miscreant creeping up the driveway.

Being ever so courageous, I poked my head out of the front door and politely greeted the bugger! Yes, I actually called out “hello?” My God! What was I thinking? I immediately came to my senses and attempted to rescue the awkward (for me at least) situation with some choice expletives but the little sod was obviously so confused and startled by my effeminate (particularly blonde) initial greeting, that he had long since scarpered.

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Bendigo Hoons Are Special…

…in the head!

A Maiden Gully uber-hoon makes a late claim for “Cockhead of the Year Award’ by dobbing himself in. I know what you’re thinking, that these imbeciles surely can’t get any more moronic, but if this article from The Advertiser is to be believed, then the 26 year old subject has surely set the standard. No wonder Bendigo Police carted him off to hospital for an assessment!

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Bendigo Hoons – Top of The Fuck Head List Again…

…and still bottom of the gene pool.

Well, it’s not really news is it? Bendigo is again honoured with the prestigious accolade of being the state’s Hoon Capital! A label loved by many and one set to remain for the foreseable future, or at least until genetic manipulation becomes legal/acceptable.

If you’d like to read the article, try here.

What motivates these fuck heads? I mean, if dicing with death is something that substitutes Viagra for these homosexuals, why not simply shoot up an Ice/Crack/random semen cocktail once in a while? That way, you get the rush you crave while never really knowing whether you are going to die a horrible death or not but should it be the former, and we can live in hope, you only ruin the lives of your family.

I cherish the moment one of these Neanderthal toss pots crosses my path or puts my children at risk.

Of course, being of little intelligence, they often bemoan the ‘personal vendetta’ carried out by the local police force in the pursuit of their deemed innocent high jinks, rather than targeting paedophiles, murderers and well, any other criminal activity than theirs. Bendigo Police receive precious little praise for their work against Bendigo’s botty-boys who use hooning as a cover.

Read an article about Bendigo’s Traffic Management Unit here.

One dick-less wonder in particular seems not to understand that his actions have consequences. Poor Joshua Shelton lost his arm as the result of his misguided passion for hooning and while I wouldn’t endorse such radical and extreme body modification, especially for someone who seemingly enjoys driving, it doesn’t appear to have quashed his appetite for the socially repulsive activity. Donkey bollocks Joshua was caught twice in just 90 minutes, having already lost his license! Numb-nuts Josh is THE most effective argument for genetic manipulation if ever there was one.

Read about silly Joshua Shelton from Bendigo here.

Incidentally, this really gets my goat and, just between you and me, I don’t even own a goat! The social misfits, fortunate enough to harm themselves while hooning, are even eligible for compensation payouts from the Transport Accident Commission!

Even if they were deemed negligent and ultimately responsible for an incident, most were still entitled to a lump-sum impairment benefit, she said.

Read more on this insanity here.

I will give intelligent readers one guess as to who pays these dim-witted dick-nibblers? Hoons can obviously have several but I suggest you right in for the answer because you’ll be here forever otherwise.