Rants

Strathdale NAB

I popped into the NAB in Strath Village shopping centre the other day to enquire about their merchant banking services and ‘virtual terminal’ facility. As part of some research I was doing, I remembered reading something on the NAB website. Unfortunately, I assumed asking in person might prove more helpful should I have questions.

I asked for the information I sought but the two female tellers glanced at each other as if I had just asked them to theorise some impossible mathematical equation and expected an answer in fluent badger! After some umm-ing and ahh-ing, which clearly demonstrated a mutual cerebral void, I offered them a release from their obvious agony.

I smiled sympathetically and headed for the door.

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6 Nations Rugby 2010

Well bugger me if Setanta aren’t airing the IRB 6 Nations Championship this season! That subscription can consider itself well and truly canceled. Fortunately, ESPN is showing the Northern Hemisphere’s premier rugby showcase. Unfortunately, one is required to buy a new HD set-top box and subscribe to the new HD channels which will set you back another $20 a month. Looks like the kid’s Cartoon Network has been canceled…..at least for next couple of months.

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Bendigo Paedophile Dennis Goudge Buggered

Or more to the point, the filthy nonce will be when he’s convicted and sent to play with the big boys. He’s going to need rope for his soap, that’s for sure!

Dennis Alfred Goudge, who Bendigo Police describe as Victoria’s worst child sex offender, faces 58 charges (revised from 144), including multiple counts of child rape, sexual penetration of a child under 10, sexual penetration of a child under 17 and indecent assault.

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Bendigo Hoons Are Special…

…in the head!

A Maiden Gully uber-hoon makes a late claim for “Cockhead of the Year Award’ by dobbing himself in. I know what you’re thinking, that these imbeciles surely can’t get any more moronic, but if this article from The Advertiser is to be believed, then the 26 year old subject has surely set the standard. No wonder Bendigo Police carted him off to hospital for an assessment!

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Bendigo Hoons – Top of The Fuck Head List Again…

…and still bottom of the gene pool.

Well, it’s not really news is it? Bendigo is again honoured with the prestigious accolade of being the state’s Hoon Capital! A label loved by many and one set to remain for the foreseable future, or at least until genetic manipulation becomes legal/acceptable.

If you’d like to read the article, try here.

What motivates these fuck heads? I mean, if dicing with death is something that substitutes Viagra for these homosexuals, why not simply shoot up an Ice/Crack/random semen cocktail once in a while? That way, you get the rush you crave while never really knowing whether you are going to die a horrible death or not but should it be the former, and we can live in hope, you only ruin the lives of your family.

I cherish the moment one of these Neanderthal toss pots crosses my path or puts my children at risk.

Of course, being of little intelligence, they often bemoan the ‘personal vendetta’ carried out by the local police force in the pursuit of their deemed innocent high jinks, rather than targeting paedophiles, murderers and well, any other criminal activity than theirs. Bendigo Police receive precious little praise for their work against Bendigo’s botty-boys who use hooning as a cover.

Read an article about Bendigo’s Traffic Management Unit here.

One dick-less wonder in particular seems not to understand that his actions have consequences. Poor Joshua Shelton lost his arm as the result of his misguided passion for hooning and while I wouldn’t endorse such radical and extreme body modification, especially for someone who seemingly enjoys driving, it doesn’t appear to have quashed his appetite for the socially repulsive activity. Donkey bollocks Joshua was caught twice in just 90 minutes, having already lost his license! Numb-nuts Josh is THE most effective argument for genetic manipulation if ever there was one.

Read about silly Joshua Shelton from Bendigo here.

Incidentally, this really gets my goat and, just between you and me, I don’t even own a goat! The social misfits, fortunate enough to harm themselves while hooning, are even eligible for compensation payouts from the Transport Accident Commission!

Even if they were deemed negligent and ultimately responsible for an incident, most were still entitled to a lump-sum impairment benefit, she said.

Read more on this insanity here.

I will give intelligent readers one guess as to who pays these dim-witted dick-nibblers? Hoons can obviously have several but I suggest you right in for the answer because you’ll be here forever otherwise.

Junortoun Central Post Office & Service Station

…….what a bunch of frackin’ morons!

I make a point of excluding profanity from my blog but for these dickheads, I am happy to make an exception.

A couple of weeks ago I received a Western Union order and knowing that Australia Post would be closed on a Sunday I phoned around a few of the agents listed on the WU website. The bint in the Junortoun Central Post Office & Service Station, assured me that they were able to perform the transaction. Arrived. Actually, she wasn’t permitted to perform the transaction.

This week I called again to potentially save a trip in the pouring rain. She assured me that she was able to perform the transaction. I asked again to be sure and explained the previous wasted trip. She gave me assurances that they were able and willing to perform WU transactions. Got there.

“Oh! We are able to send but not receive”, she said.

What a frackin’ goat!

I am now piss wet through, have wasted another hour and still have no money. Not a happy bunny!

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The Whinging Welshman

While this all encompassing, if inaccurate label causes no offense to me, it does to some. This is especially so when preceded by ‘whinging’ or ‘bloody’ and whilst the precise etymology eludes me, it is worth noting that even the Australians are unsure of exactly where or how the word ‘Pom’ originated.

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