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"Bask in my surly malcontent, for I am curmudgeon"

Christmas ghosts not even bothering to try with property agent this year

The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future have announced that they’re not even going to bother trying to get local real estate agent, the eternally puissant Annabelline Stealmore-Lifeblood, to mend her ways this year.

Since Victorian times, the three ghosts have traditionally attempted to get the meanest, most cruel and unpleasant people on the planet to change their ways, however with Stealmore-Lifeblood, they believe that it would be a complete waste of time.

“Ebenezer Scrooge was the most awful man in London,” boomed the Ghost of Christmas Present.

“Tight-fisted, cruel, and dreadful to the core. But still, we always felt like there was a slim chance we could do some good with him. But, Stealmore-Lifeblood? Ever heard the phrase ‘pissing in the wind’?”

The ghost, known to his friends as Derek (Dez) Noakes, went on to explain that the ethereal threesome, who have been together since 1843, had started work on a series of cautionary visions to make the real estate agent change her ways.

He said, “The problem was, it would have taken until New Year’s Day to get through all the awful things she’s done in the past; the ‘mafia’ connection, her nasty and completely illegal habit of contacting tenants’ employers to shit-stir, fabricating property issues, diverting tradies contracted by the tenant to perform other work and her uncanny mastery as a smiling assassin.”

“It would have just taken us bloody ages.”

Instead, the ghosts have decided that they’ll just take the evening off and do something a little less stressful instead.

“No, we thought about giving it a try, but it would be an even bigger job than Anthony Mundine, so we’re just going to stay at home on Christmas Eve with some stubbies and Carols by Candlelight on the telly.”

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