Bullies Deserve A Kick in the Bollocks, Period.

I am sick to death of the number of surveys, reports and associated do-gooders stating how we must treat bullies and the bullied. Much of it comes down to pampering their asses or paying professional psychologists to tell us what we already know.

Meeting violence with violence is generally considered unacceptable, I agree. However, dealing with bullies is the exception to the rule!

My (soon to be divorced) missus, does not share my (archaic) views on the treatment of bullies.

My (significantly worse other half) wife is in agreement with the authorities who claim that violence is not the solution. She was obviously bullied as a brat and hardly surprising really, anyone who represents their country in nagging deserves to be bullied in my view but I digress, I preach hitting back and she preaches…..well, she just preaches.

Sadly, I read too many articles like this one:

Bullies kick schoolboy until his spleen ruptures

“Fight back” I say

Kick the fucker in the bollocks and I will personally guarantee that the Neanderthal with never touch you again.

It’s simple, bullies are cowards. This is one assessment the overly paid tossers with clipboards have actually got right. They feel a need to be in control and they want others to see you being hurt by them.

This slightly homosexual tendency is easily remedied by a swift kick to the obviously underused groin area. Even better is a very quick and powerful punch to the lower pelvic region. Delivering a reasonably powerful blow just above the seldom-used tool will actually separate the pelvic girdle in two and reduce the power-hungry penis muncher to a blubbering mess who will think, not twice, but three times before attempting to force themselves on others.

Cowboys and bullies don't appreciate being kicked in the bollocks

I remember a particularly ‘wannabe’ hard man and all round unloved soul at school, who thought it wise to continually poke the bear with a short stick. One day the bear decided that enough was enough and hit back after one too many taunts. The look of surprise was a picture. From that day forward, the bully concentrated his efforts on another.

I remember another bully, although technically a pair of bullies, who terrorised the neighbourhood and who took great pleasure in kicking several blends of shit out of me one day, for no apparent reason. The following day I patiently waited with the utmost criminal intent and when one of the two siblings approached, I took almost perverse pleasure in the tightly clenched fist that connected with his nose, producing an explosion of claret. He went down like a sack of the shit that he was and knew immediately that this act of bravado would result in another beating but didn’t care in the slightest.

I wasn’t wrong. The very next day the brothers, and no doubt in-bred cousins, combined forces and pummelled me in the school playground but even with a bloodied face and sore ribs, I knew I had the upper hand. The brothers/sisters/cousins of that particular family never laid a finger on me again.

Bullies do not like victims that retaliate. A punch on the nose or a knee to the groin will save a child from years of unnecessary physical and psychological torture.

It’s a Baked Bean Pizza But Not as we Know it

If there is a more heinous crime than serving short measures (of beer), it has to be chucking fruit on a bloody pizza.

What a tart!

Pineapple is a prime example of when culinary creativity meets Mr. Stupid Bollocks. Coming in a close second with ways to totally bastardize an otherwise perfectly good pizza, is the desire to load it with meat. But just to clarify, it’s not simply the addition of meat, it’s the apparent need to stack so much of it on. You may as well rip the horns off a cow, shove your ball of dough up its backside and call that a pizza.

Other than ham or perhaps pepperoni, I don’t understand why anyone would saddle the humble pizza with lumps of assorted animal flesh. Don’t get me wrong, I love a steak as much as the next carnivore but the humble pizza is, in my humble opinion, simply not the place for it, it never was and there’s probably a rule about it somewhere.

One exception to the rule however, should be using minted lamb sausage meat with baked beans! Please, control your retching and hear me out.

Not really my pizza!

Do yourselves a favour and buy a shit-load of minted-lamb sausages from the butcher in Strath Village. His web site is bloody awful but his snags are great. Treat yourself to bangers and mash one night but save one or two sausages for the pizza.

Chop and gently fry a small red onion in a little butter and a teaspoon of honey. Squeeze the meat out of the skins and add to the pan, making sure it’s well broken down. I use a potato masher for this. Add ground or crushed black pepper if you are so inclined.

Chuck in 1/3 tin of baked beans and mix together. There’s no need to cook the beans, we’re just making sure everything is well mixed.

Spread your tomato sauce thinly over your dough. You can skip this stage if you like, especially if your meat and beans mixture is quite wet.

Spread your sausage meat and baked bean topping evenly over your pizza base, top with mozzarella and a good pinch of mixed herbs and wack it in the oven until it starts to brown.

I kid ye not, it’s delicious but very, very rich. I only managed a small slice but the great thing is that I can have another slice for lunch and another for supper! There may even be some left over for breakfast!

 

Bendigo Hoons – Top of The Fuck Head List Again…

…and still bottom of the gene pool.

Well, it’s not really news is it? Bendigo is again honoured with the prestigious accolade of being the state’s Hoon Capital! A label loved by many and one set to remain for the foreseable future, or at least until genetic manipulation becomes legal/acceptable.

If you’d like to read the article, try here.

What motivates these fuck heads? I mean, if dicing with death is something that substitutes Viagra for these homosexuals, why not simply shoot up an Ice/Crack/random semen cocktail once in a while? That way, you get the rush you crave while never really knowing whether you are going to die a horrible death or not but should it be the former, and we can live in hope, you only ruin the lives of your family.

I cherish the moment one of these Neanderthal toss pots crosses my path or puts my children at risk.

Of course, being of little intelligence, they often bemoan the ‘personal vendetta’ carried out by the local police force in the pursuit of their deemed innocent high jinks, rather than targeting paedophiles, murderers and well, any other criminal activity than theirs. Bendigo Police receive precious little praise for their work against Bendigo’s botty-boys who use hooning as a cover.

Read an article about Bendigo’s Traffic Management Unit here.

One dick-less wonder in particular seems not to understand that his actions have consequences. Poor Joshua Shelton lost his arm as the result of his misguided passion for hooning and while I wouldn’t endorse such radical and extreme body modification, especially for someone who seemingly enjoys driving, it doesn’t appear to have quashed his appetite for the socially repulsive activity. Donkey bollocks Joshua was caught twice in just 90 minutes, having already lost his license! Numb-nuts Josh is THE most effective argument for genetic manipulation if ever there was one.

Read about silly Joshua Shelton from Bendigo here.

Incidentally, this really gets my goat and, just between you and me, I don’t even own a goat! The social misfits, fortunate enough to harm themselves while hooning, are even eligible for compensation payouts from the Transport Accident Commission!

Even if they were deemed negligent and ultimately responsible for an incident, most were still entitled to a lump-sum impairment benefit, she said.

Read more on this insanity here.

I will give intelligent readers one guess as to who pays these dim-witted dick-nibblers? Hoons can obviously have several but I suggest you right in for the answer because you’ll be here forever otherwise.