Idiots in Bendigo – The Definitive List

Searching for a ‘list of idiots in Bendigo’ brings a surprising number of visitors to Gobbledegeek 2.0, not as many as those searching for nude images of Julia Gillard though! For this reason, I thought it might be a worthwhile public service to actually compile a list of Bendigo-based half-wits.

Fortunately, these low-brows are not the majority in this otherwise ‘alright’ Victorian town, so it shouldn’t be a difficult task. So if you know a candidate for the list, please submit their details here. To avoid becoming a candidate yourself, please remember to include the gene pool contaminator’s name, reason for it’s nomination and a photo where possible.

Mark my words, the top twenty will be dominated by those repugnant in-bred fuckaloops, hoons but you are welcome to prove me wrong…..

Bendigo Hoons – Top of The Fuck Head List Again…

…and still bottom of the gene pool.

Well, it’s not really news is it? Bendigo is again honoured with the prestigious accolade of being the state’s Hoon Capital! A label loved by many and one set to remain for the foreseable future, or at least until genetic manipulation becomes legal/acceptable.

If you’d like to read the article, try here.

What motivates these fuck heads? I mean, if dicing with death is something that substitutes Viagra for these homosexuals, why not simply shoot up an Ice/Crack/random semen cocktail once in a while? That way, you get the rush you crave while never really knowing whether you are going to die a horrible death or not but should it be the former, and we can live in hope, you only ruin the lives of your family.

I cherish the moment one of these Neanderthal toss pots crosses my path or puts my children at risk.

Of course, being of little intelligence, they often bemoan the ‘personal vendetta’ carried out by the local police force in the pursuit of their deemed innocent high jinks, rather than targeting paedophiles, murderers and well, any other criminal activity than theirs. Bendigo Police receive precious little praise for their work against Bendigo’s botty-boys who use hooning as a cover.

Read an article about Bendigo’s Traffic Management Unit here.

One dick-less wonder in particular seems not to understand that his actions have consequences. Poor Joshua Shelton lost his arm as the result of his misguided passion for hooning and while I wouldn’t endorse such radical and extreme body modification, especially for someone who seemingly enjoys driving, it doesn’t appear to have quashed his appetite for the socially repulsive activity. Donkey bollocks Joshua was caught twice in just 90 minutes, having already lost his license! Numb-nuts Josh is THE most effective argument for genetic manipulation if ever there was one.

Read about silly Joshua Shelton from Bendigo here.

Incidentally, this really gets my goat and, just between you and me, I don’t even own a goat! The social misfits, fortunate enough to harm themselves while hooning, are even eligible for compensation payouts from the Transport Accident Commission!

Even if they were deemed negligent and ultimately responsible for an incident, most were still entitled to a lump-sum impairment benefit, she said.

Read more on this insanity here.

I will give intelligent readers one guess as to who pays these dim-witted dick-nibblers? Hoons can obviously have several but I suggest you right in for the answer because you’ll be here forever otherwise.

Vultures with wheels

….and you know what? I bet nobody else gives a shit! But that’s the beauty of a blog; I can write what the hell I like and libel laws aside, I will argue that point to the grave.

I don’t know what’s worse, these tossers (see below) for their inability to park correctly or me for actually giving a shit!

Every fucker used the PEDESTRIAN walkway as their own private parking space
Every fucker used the PEDESTRIAN walkway as their own private parking space
A neighbour passed away a little while ago and the scavengers were present in numbers to pick the bones of his estate. They showed scant respect for anyone else by obstructing the public footpath, preventing pedestrians from walking safely and by parking on resident’s lawns too! How inconsiderate can you get? Not much in my opinion. Does the ‘fair go’ laid back attitude extend so far as to allow neanderthals to act in such a manner?
I could almost accept parking like this from a woman
I could almost accept parking like this from a woman

Navigating a busy street with a push chair and four additional small ones is far from easy at the best of times but when you are forced into the road, instead of the relative safety of the sidewalk, it can be particularly dangerous. My children have no choice but to ride or walk in the road. Are you so fucking thoughtless that you simply park where you feel is ok for you? In a residential area? The mind boggles at the thoughtlessness of, it has to be said, the overwhelming majority of vultures who drove to scavage the leftovers.

Thankfully our suburban road is relatively peaceful and traffic free, other than the obvious aforementioned morons but their ignorant actions speak volumes for the laid back ‘fair go’ attitudes, synonimous with Aussies. If we were located on a more busy public road, the baseball bat would be getting up close and personal with a couple of dick head’s cages.

Aussie ‘fair go’ attitude? More like Aussie ‘couldn’t give a toss’ attitude.

Bendigo’s Half-witted Hoons win Award

Yes, you read correctly. Bendigo’s Hoons collectively win the Village Idiot Award for Outstanding Idiocy in the Face of Utter Stupidity!

I read today, with no great surprise I might add, that Bendigo’s hilarious hoon half-wits have outdone themselves by indirectly handing the police home video of themselves Hooning around the streets.

Senior Sergeant Ryan Irwin, of the Bendigo Traffic Management Unit, said hoons had been identified and caught from video and mobile phone footage. “We are quite pleased with the videos, we use them as an investigative tool, they assist us in detecting offenders,” he said.

“We have caught many through home videos that have found their way into our hands.”

You can read the article by The Advertiser here and don’t forget to search YouTube too.

Can you spot the odd one out? Bendigo, burnout, cretinous, dim-witted, dumb, half-witted, Hoon, imbecilic, moronic, mum’s car, retarded, simple, slow, tools, soft in the head, stupid, unintelligent, weak-minded, witless. No? Me neither! I certainly don’t wish to imply that Bendigo is populated by imbecilic morons as a result of inbreeding or some diabolical social experiment, far from it but there is an underlying idiocy that threatens the good name of this fine city and it’s people. Inextricably linked with Bendigo this contemptible sub-culture will eventually be responsible for the killing of some poor innocent, unfortunate enough to get in their way.

You are stupid enough to break the law in the first place but then compound your stupidity by having a partner-in-crime document your aforementioned stupidity. Would it be a fair to assume a profound lack of intelligence when you then post the said video evidence online? The answer, if you are struggling, is yes, and when I say ‘online’, I do not refer to the evidence simply lying inconspicuously amongst the thousands of terabytes of data somewhere on the Interwebthingy but published on the most popular video sharing web site on the planet where more than 100 million clips are viewed every day. 1.244 billion people use the Internet so it was always likely that someone somewhere would see the video and do the socially responsible thing by contacting the boys in blue.

I think I am perfectly justified in referring to these subjects as sub-intelligent for surely no intelligent person would risk so much for such an adolescent cheap thrill, let alone advertise video evidence. I could use the word ‘Dumbo’ but this would not be fair to the small, lovable, flying elephant whose good name is often maligned when substituted for the word moron, even though his level of intelligence is never determined during the animated Disney classic.

Stand up and be counted

You can play you part and help keep our children safe by reporting any dangerous or menacing activity and teaching the next generation that it’s not big and it’s certainly not clever. I would urge anyone who witnesses Hoonage in progress to call either the Bendigo Police station directly on 5448 1300 or 000 to report the crime.

Epilogue

I would be very interested to know if there is any research available for public consumption on the subject of Hoons and Hoonage. I’m not necessarily referring to papers on ‘the missing link’ for this is an obvious fact but more social studies on this miscreant car culture. If anyone has anything related, please use the contact form by selecting the ‘Contact’ tab (top right) or post your comments below.

And a word of warning! God help the Hoon that harms one of my children through their quest for cheap thrills.