Barnaby Joyce Volunteers To ‘Look After’ Pistol & Boo, Following Depp, Heard Divorce

The Deputy Prime Minister has put his hand up to help out in whatever way he can, after celebrity couple Johnny Depp and Amber Heard confirmed their divorce this week.

“They’ll have a lot on their minds, a lot of things to work through. All I’m saying is I can take care of the dogs,” Joyce said.

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Jarryd Hayne To Take Nick Kyrgios’s Spot And Pursue Dream Of Playing Olympic Tennis

Former NRL, NFL and Fijian 7s star Jarryd Hayne has jumped at the opportunity to fill Nick Kyrgios’s spot on the Australian Olympic tennis team, saying it was a chance to pursue his lifelong dream.

“Playing for the Parramatta Eels, playing for the San Francisco 49ers, playing for Fiji – all of this was just a stepping stone to going out on court in the men’s singles, and possibly the mixed doubles, in Rio 2016,” Hayne said.

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South Africa Skilfully Exploits Aussies’ Weakness: Cricket

South Africa has convincingly won the second test in Hobart after doggedly honing in on Australia’s Achilles heel – batting, bowling and fielding.

South African captain Faf Du Plassis said it was part of a conscious strategy to outmaneuver the once-dominant Aussies.

“We studied the tapes over the winter and found a specific vulnerability in the Aussies’ game: test match cricket,” he said after the game. “From there it was just a matter of exploiting that weakness by sticking to a plan of playing cricket over and over again for four days. Full credit to the boys for their persistence”.

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New Dating App Connects You With People Within 1 Metre Radius

A new app called LookUp alerts users to family members and spouses located within 100cm, encouraging them to start a conversation, or even a relationship.

Creators of the innovative new service say the beauty of the app is that it will notify you of people in your immediate vicinity you hadn’t even remembered existed.

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Barry Rochford Guilty of Killing Dog Found Hanged

Last night I made a note to write a follow-up to Beware the Butcher of Bendigo following the news that Barry Rochford had been found guilty of animal cruelty, according to United Press International, but in reality I should be commenting on the legal system.

The 6 month prison term handed down by the court was pitiful, in my humble opinion and combined with his current sentence of four years for multiple arson, he would be eligible for parole in early 2011.

Wow! It’s almost enough to make you want to take up a life of crime!

Edit – I just realised I posted this with the title ‘Barry Rochford Found Hanged’. I swear it wasn’t wishful thinking, just a slip.