Tag: victoria

Barnaby Joyce Volunteers To ‘Look After’ Pistol & Boo, Following Depp, Heard Divorce

The Deputy Prime Minister has put his hand up to help out in whatever way he can, after celebrity couple Johnny Depp and Amber Heard confirmed their divorce this week.

“They’ll have a lot on their minds, a lot of things to work through. All I’m saying is I can take care of the dogs,” Joyce said.

[lsvr_button text=”read more” link=”http://www.theshovel.com.au/2016/08/19/barnaby-joyce-volunteers-to-look-after-pistol-boo-following-depp-heard-divorce/” target=”blank” style=”default”]

New Dating App Connects You With People Within 1 Metre Radius

A new app called LookUp alerts users to family members and spouses located within 100cm, encouraging them to start a conversation, or even a relationship.

Creators of the innovative new service say the beauty of the app is that it will notify you of people in your immediate vicinity you hadn’t even remembered existed.

[lsvr_button text=”read more” link=”http://www.theshovel.com.au/2015/05/26/new-dating-app-connects-you-with-people-within-1-metre-radius/” target=”blank” style=”default”]

Barry Rochford Guilty of Killing Dog Found Hanged

Last night I made a note to write a follow-up to Beware the Butcher of Bendigo following the news that Barry Rochford had been found guilty of animal cruelty, according to United Press International, but in reality I should be commenting on the legal system.

The 6 month prison term handed down by the court was pitiful, in my humble opinion and combined with his current sentence of four years for multiple arson, he would be eligible for parole in early 2011.

Wow! It’s almost enough to make you want to take up a life of crime!

Edit – I just realised I posted this with the title ‘Barry Rochford Found Hanged’. I swear it wasn’t wishful thinking, just a slip.

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Googling Nude Photos of Julia Gillard

I find it not a little disturbing that the vast majority of visitors come here by way of a Google search for nude photos of Julia Gillard! This is the reason why they come, ergo the reason the post appears in Google’s search results but is anyone able to explain to me why one would be Googling for images of Australia’s Deputy Prime Minister in her birthday suit?

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Bendigo Hoons – Top of The Fuck Head List Again…

…and still bottom of the gene pool.

Well, it’s not really news is it? Bendigo is again honoured with the prestigious accolade of being the state’s Hoon Capital! A label loved by many and one set to remain for the foreseable future, or at least until genetic manipulation becomes legal/acceptable.

If you’d like to read the article, try here.

What motivates these fuck heads? I mean, if dicing with death is something that substitutes Viagra for these homosexuals, why not simply shoot up an Ice/Crack/random semen cocktail once in a while? That way, you get the rush you crave while never really knowing whether you are going to die a horrible death or not but should it be the former, and we can live in hope, you only ruin the lives of your family.

I cherish the moment one of these Neanderthal toss pots crosses my path or puts my children at risk.

Of course, being of little intelligence, they often bemoan the ‘personal vendetta’ carried out by the local police force in the pursuit of their deemed innocent high jinks, rather than targeting paedophiles, murderers and well, any other criminal activity than theirs. Bendigo Police receive precious little praise for their work against Bendigo’s botty-boys who use hooning as a cover.

Read an article about Bendigo’s Traffic Management Unit here.

One dick-less wonder in particular seems not to understand that his actions have consequences. Poor Joshua Shelton lost his arm as the result of his misguided passion for hooning and while I wouldn’t endorse such radical and extreme body modification, especially for someone who seemingly enjoys driving, it doesn’t appear to have quashed his appetite for the socially repulsive activity. Donkey bollocks Joshua was caught twice in just 90 minutes, having already lost his license! Numb-nuts Josh is THE most effective argument for genetic manipulation if ever there was one.

Read about silly Joshua Shelton from Bendigo here.

Incidentally, this really gets my goat and, just between you and me, I don’t even own a goat! The social misfits, fortunate enough to harm themselves while hooning, are even eligible for compensation payouts from the Transport Accident Commission!

Even if they were deemed negligent and ultimately responsible for an incident, most were still entitled to a lump-sum impairment benefit, she said.

Read more on this insanity here.

I will give intelligent readers one guess as to who pays these dim-witted dick-nibblers? Hoons can obviously have several but I suggest you right in for the answer because you’ll be here forever otherwise.